Protecting Your Information
Oh, oh, a message from Facebook.
“Protecting Your Information”
This does not look promising.
“Toni, We understand the importance of keeping your data safe.”
Yeah, Mark, hello.
“We have banned the app "This Is Your Digital Life," which one of your friends used Facebook to log into.”
What do I care what my friends logged into?
“We did this because the app may have misused some of your Facebook information by sharing it with a company called Cambridge Analytica.”
What??! One of my idiot friends logged onto something and that something got my data? So that’s how it works? They do stupid shit and I pay the price?
“In most cases, the information was limited to public profile, Page likes, birthday, and current city.”
Oh, yeah, I’ll bet. And Facebook doesn’t even tell me who did this to me? Which one of my friends did this? I can figure it out. Time to check my newsfeed.
Barbara. Constantly posting videos about cooking. Mostly with chocolate. She’s got my number. So much chocolate, so little time. If she can’t eat it, she doesn’t care. It wasn’t Barbara.
Sheila. Actress. Ego like a black hole. Has never once in her life been interested in anything but herself. Doesn’t take showers cause it’d steam up the mirror. Not Sheila.
Paul the Cat Guy. He’s my hero. He can do anything he wants. This video is adorable. Two more rescues eating like they’ve never seen food. Wow, there’s another video. Paul is climbing down … nope, no cat videos, Toni. Time to find the culprit. More newsfeed.
Lana. Ranting on about liberals. She’s the only person I know who was a teen in the '60s and never heard of Bob Dylan. Lana’s too busy hunting down liberals to … wait a minute? Wait a minute. Wasn’t Cambridge Analytica involved with Trump? Didn’t they get hired by Trump people? Oh, double shit. You mean my liberal friends could have done this? Crap. I’m always posting on Lana’s site. Stuff like "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches" or “Sensitivity training didn’t stop me from saying ‘you people’” or “Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.” Hey, I am who I am.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why am I panicking here? So what if Facebook stole my data. My data is as worthless as I am.
A humorous confab with my ghostwriter...
>>Oh, oh, it's a message from Facebook, hold everything...
“Protecting Your Information”
This does not look promising.
“Toni, We understand the importance of keeping your data safe.”
Yeah, Mark, hello.
“We have banned the app "This Is Your Digital Life," which one of your friends used Facebook to log into.”
What do I care what my friends logged into?
“We did this because the app may have misused some of your Facebook information by sharing it with a company called Cambridge Analytica.”
What??! One of my idiot friends logged onto something and that something got my data? So that’s how it works? They do stupid shit and I pay the price?
“In most cases, the information was limited to public profile, Page likes, birthday, and current city.”
Oh, yeah, I’ll bet. And Facebook doesn’t even tell me who did this to me? Which one of my friends did this? I can figure it out. Time to check my newsfeed.
Barbara. Constantly posting videos about cooking. Mostly with chocolate. She’s got my number. So much chocolate, so little time. If she can’t eat it, she doesn’t care. It wasn’t Barbara.
Sheila. Actress. Ego like a black hole. Has never once in her life been interested in anything but herself. Doesn’t take showers cause it’d steam up the mirror. Not Sheila.
Paul the Cat Guy. He’s my hero. He can do anything he wants. This video is adorable. Two more rescues eating like they’ve never seen food. Wow, there’s another video. Paul is climbing down … nope, no cat videos, Toni. Time to find the culprit. More newsfeed.
Lana. Ranting on about liberals. She’s the only person I know who was a teen in the '60s and never heard of Bob Dylan. Lana’s too busy hunting down liberals to … wait a minute? Wait a minute. Wasn’t Cambridge Analytica involved with Trump? Didn’t they get hired by Trump people? Oh, double shit. You mean my liberal friends could have done this? Crap. I’m always posting on Lana’s site. Stuff like "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches" or “Sensitivity training didn’t stop me from saying ‘you people’” or “Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.” Hey, I am who I am.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Why am I panicking here? So what if Facebook stole my data. My data is as worthless as I am.